We pride ourselves on being inclusive and accepting of every individual’s right to seek the type of relationship that fulfills their personal needs. But just when we think we’ve heard it all, we’re exposed to fascinating new fetishes through the miracle of Craigslist personal ads.
So if you think that you’re harboring some sort of bizarre kink that no one will understand, don’t be shy, simply place a free personal ad on Craigslist like these folks did. Who knows, your cat food-loving, noodle bath taking soul mate could be just one bold email away!
2. There’s something too fishy about this dude to take seriously as a prospective date. But holy mackerel, if you’re looking for a clever chum, he cod be the one you want to reel in just for the halibut.
3. Now here’s a pickup line that would compel any true blooded Vampire Diaries lover.
4. Leave it to the Brits to put American chivalry to shame.
5. Forget the frat boy body spray and designer cologne, this gal wants a man who smells of warm dough.
6. We just want to party with this guy.
7. At 20 cents a minute, this is actually not a bad proposition. Just saying.
9. While this lady doesn’t appear to be seeking a date at the moment, her expression of gratitude shows all the fellas out there that their honesty and efforts are not in vain.
10. No words.
11. Bet you didn’t see this one coming!
12. Rubbing coconut oil onto the hairless ankles of a blackout drunk stranger without their consent is never okay. If, however, they reply to your Craigslist ad once they sober up -- we recommend slathering their calves with Diamond Silicone Gel. It contains refined coconut oil for silky smooth satisfaction that lasts as long as you do.
13. This last ad isn’t actually seeking romance. In fact, they’re giving their heart-shaped box away. But while we would never deny anyone a chance to score some free, extra-large, used girls underwear -- there’s no need to rummage through this stranger’s junk for those ASTROGLIDE packets. We’ll mail you some for free - just click here for a free ASTROGLIDE sample!
So there you have it, a little slice of Internet heaven that probably has you thanking your lucky stars if you’re in a relationship. If you’re still out there playing the dating game, at least you can take solace in the fact that there really does appear to be someone out there for everyone.
Have you seen any personal ads that can top these gems? If so, prove it by tweeting a link @ASTROGLIDE. Don’t worry, we won’t ask what you were searching for when you found them!
Images are for illustrative purposes only.