Thinking about inviting ASTROGLIDE into your bedroom? Here's how to have the "lube talk."
Settling into a routine has its perks. You get your own designated side of the bed, your own extra comfy recliner in the living room and you can really start racking up those rewards points at your favorite restaurant (and who doesn’t love scoring free appetizers?) But sex? When it comes to getting rowdy, a routine is usually the last thing most couples want.
Lots of couples look for ways to shake things up, and that’s when many of them reach for a bottle of lube. They may be looking to try something new, or they may simply be hoping to make sex feel better. No matter what your goal, you may feel a little anxious about bringing that little lube bottle into the bedroom. This guide can help.
Before you choose an ASTROGLIDE formula, you should start by asking yourself: why do I want to use lube? Don’t worry, there’s no “right” answer here. But understanding why you want to add personal lubricant to your sex life can help you understand your needs (and your partner’s needs) much easier. Here are a few reasons you might want to give lube a try:
The answer really depends on your partner and your communication style. Ask yourself: have I introduced new things into the bedroom before? If so, how did it go? Was my partner excited or thrown off guard?
If you’ve always stuck to the same moves between the sheets try to think about your partner and how they feel about surprises. Do they love the idea of spontaneous date? Or are they the kind of person who tells you exactly what they want for their birthday and gets upset if you stray from their wishlist?
If they are the type that doesn’t mind a little spontaneity, you might consider just introducing lube in the moment. Keep the lube somewhere close at hand, and when things are getting hot and heavy say something like, “You know what would be really hot? If we tried a little lube tonight. What do you think?” Chances are you’ll get the green light.
Some couples feel comfortable openly discussing these sorts of things, but if that’s not you and your partner, know that you aren’t alone. Everyone’s relationship and communication style is different.
However, if you’re feeling a little nervous about bringing it up, the trick is to not overthink it too much. As Tara Stryk, the editor of Kinkly.com explains, “Communicate with your partner. Be direct, be kind and be positive when bringing up anything new in the bedroom. Lube isn't too intimidating for most people, so simply suggesting that a little lubricant might make things sexier for you should do the trick for most people.”
While a direct and positive approach will work for most people, when bringing up the possibility of introducing lube into the bedroom, it’s important to remember that women in particular may feel a little self-conscious about the idea.
As clinical sexologist, Dr. Marlene Wasserman (AKA Dr. Eve) explains, “Lube is sometimes associated with shame for a woman who has a dry vagina. In essence, this shame has been used as a way to protect male sexual ego. He feels offended if he attempts to enter a vagina or touch a vulva that is not instantly wet.”
However, the expectation that a woman always be ready to go in that way really isn’t realistic. Some women just need a little more foreplay to get in the mood, and even when there’s plenty of foreplay, there are lots of other potential causes of vaginal dryness that don’t have anything to do with whether or not a woman is feeling turned on by her partner. That’s why Dr. Wasserman recommends reframing these ideas about lubrication.
Whether you’re looking to spice things up, try some new techniques or just need a little extra lubrication where it counts, lube can be a fun and exciting addition to your sex life. As sexologist Dr. Megan Stubbs explains, “Lube can help your sex life by helping facilitate easier penetration and reduce friction on skin. Whether it is used in solo or partnered play, the addition of lube is always welcome.”
For example, some of the most killer handjob techniques need lube to be effective, and as Dr. Stubbs reminds us, “some activities absolutely require lube" because the delicate tissues around your genitals can be more sensitive than the rest of your body. Which is why, even if vaginal dryness isn’t something that you or your partner deal with on a regular basis, lube is still a great thing to have on hand when you want to add a little spark to your fire."
If you haven’t used lube before you might be surprised at how many different kinds there are. However, don’t let the seemingly endless varieties intimidate you. With a little bit of knowledge of the basics of lube, you should have no problem finding the one that’s best for you and your partner.
As relationship and intimacy gurus Charlie and Rissy Ervin of Please My Spouse explain, “There are several types of lube: water-based, silicone and hybrid. If you are allergic to silicone products, water-based lubes will work best. Always check the ingredients before you make your purchase.”
Charlie and Rissy agree: “You have to experiment with different types of sex lubes. Lubes can have many uses and some are made for particular products and sexual acts. Also, some lube are edible or non-edible so you have to plan out your night ahead of time. Lastly, if you have anything that you’re allergic to, make sure you check the label for any ingredients that may cause an allergic reaction.”
If you’d like to learn more about the different kinds of lubes on the market, you can find some great guides on our blog. We’ll even send you a free sample so that you can try it out before you buy it to make sure it’s right for you.
However, if you’re a lube newb and would just like to get a feel for the basics, here’s what you need to know about the different kinds of lube:
While using lube might seem pretty self-explanatory, the truth is that there are lots of sexy ways to incorporate it into your sex life that you might not have thought about. As sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and author of She Comes First explained to Women’s Health there are lots of ways to take your lube game to the next level. Here are some of his suggestions:
If you’ve ever tried to have sex in a shower or a pool before, you probably figured out pretty quickly that, while water may be wet, it doesn’t provide the sort of slippery experience that makes sex pleasurable.
In fact, water can actually wash away your natural lubrication creating even more friction. However, adding a little silicone-based lube to the mix can fix that problem and get you back to enjoying yourselves.
Using a flavored lube can make pleasing your partner orally even more fun. Just a few drops will have your sweetie tasting even sweeter so you can focus on enjoying the moment together.
Many couples rush past manual play to get to the main event, but a little bit of lube can make you both want to enjoy the pleasure of touch a little longer. Lube can help ease the friction of manual stimulation which helps make it more enjoyable for both men and women.
Try out some new hand job techniques with lube and you might be surprised that getting to second base can feel like a home run.
Do you have any great techniques to recommend? Let us know by tweeting us @ASTROGLIDE.
Images are for illustrative purposes.