Life is a journey — not a destination. The same can be said of sex. While the big “O” may be supremely satisfying, the buildup to sexual climax has the potential to be equally erotic and fulfilling. The desire for foreplay is universal — research indicates that both men and women desire a similar duration of foreplay (an average of 18.5 minutes). If you’re looking to seduce, excite and wow your partner with your sexual skills (all while getting more of what you crave), consider these simple strategies to get your started.
My advice? Whatever your inclination may be regarding speed — cut it in half. One of the best strategies to ensure that you’re not hasty in your approach to sex involves slowing down your breath.
Take a moment to consciously inhale as slowly and deeply as possible before releasing an exaggerated exhale. You’ll likely feel more calm, present and connected even with one purposeful breath.
Unfortunately, they don’t have the words to describe exactly what they want when it comes to physical touch.
If this describes your experience, consider suggesting to your partner that they only use the backs of their hands to touch you for the first minute or two. Their touch will likely lighten and slow down as they experience the texture, shape and temperature of your skin against the sensitive backs of their fingers.
Lick your lips and breathe warm air over your partner’s skin with a soft open mouth. Purse your lips and exhale very gently to create a cooling sensation.
Lick your way down the sides of their body in a long snake pattern and then breathe over the wet path you’ve created. You can use this technique anywhere on their body or focus on these often overlooked erogenous zones.
Apply a few drops to the palms of your hands as you sweep them slowly across the body in opposite directions. As their breath slows and deepens, work your way down between their legs and massage their inner thighs with figure-eight, oval and pitter-patter strokes to tease around their hottest spots.
You cannot go from talking about your in-laws, bathing the kids or discussing your dog’s adorable habits to tearing one another’s clothes off. (If you can, then you’re the exception and hey…you do you.)
Rather than trying to shift from roommates or co-parents to lovers as soon as you hit the sheets, try to eroticize your daily interactions:
Just like planning a vacation, the preparatory rituals (reading hotel reviews, shopping for resort wear and scouting out the top attractions) can be just as exciting and satisfying as the vacation itself.
And research suggests that dopamine (one chemical associated with pleasure) spikes even more significantly when you’re anticipating pleasure than when you experience it. So instead of heading straight to their hottest spots or pulling out your money-moves as soon as you hit the sheets, make a conscious effort to resist and tease them into a frenzy:
Some scientists believe that as we anticipate sex, our bodies become better-prepared for the physical experience because of classical conditioning, so you may find that staving off pleasure makes it all the more intense.