Imagine this: after an amazing dinner at a five star restaurant, you head back to his place. He uncorks a bottle of champagne in front of a roaring fireplace and you start going at it right there on a couch that probably costs more than your car. He’s smart and he’s sexy and he’s an amazing kisser, and as you unbutton his shirt he leans forward and whispers, “Talk dirty to me.”
You freeze. Your palms start to sweat. Your mind races through a thousand un-sexy possibilities and after what seems like an eternity of stuttering your brain decides to combine “lick me” with “do me” and you practically scream “dick me!” right into his face.
Yikes. Is there anything worse than when dirty talk turns bad? The right words whispered by candlelight can make your skin feel like it’s being licked by flames, but all it takes is a single cringe-worthy sentence (or even word) to completely kill the mood.
Knowing how to talk dirty during sex isn’t easy, but with this guide and a little practice, anyone can become a pro.
According to Medical Daily, dirty talk helps awaken that dirty mind of yours. “The brain is considered a more powerful sexual organ than even male and female genitalia because it’s where the sex drive stems from. The right amount of dirty talk will excite the mind.”
“A 2012 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found the more comfortable we are talking about sex, the more satisfactory our sex lives will become. According to the researchers, even the slightest anxiety about communication affected whether partners were communicating or not. It also directly affected their satisfaction. Those who did communicate during sex were more likely to experience sexual satisfaction. In other words, engaging in a dialogue that feels good with our partner can heighten the sexual experience.”
“Talking dirty is another way to arouse yourself and your partner, so it can also help you discover what turns them on,” says Naturopathic Doctor Dr. Serena Goldstein. “If they enjoy a certain sex act or motion, you can verbalize and/or encourage them on how much they really like that, so now they're experiencing the act both mentally and physically.”
In other words, learning how to talk dirty during sex (and before sex and, well, anytime) can lead to a better sex life and better relationships overall. Sounds like a win-win to us!
Make sure they’re into it. When it comes to dirty talk, proceed with caution — not everyone is into it, and those who aren’t can be majorly turned off by it. How can you tell if dirty talk is a good idea? “The best indicator that your dirty talk is appreciated is when you get dirty talk back,” says Sexpert and Founder of the site www.sexpressed.com Scott Brown.
“If you say, ‘I love being in your pussy,’ and she responds with ‘I love your dick inside me,’ you can rest assured that you’re on the right track. Even if you’re getting no verbal response, usually there will be subconscious responses: moaning or body language changes. Pay attention to your partner and see what hits and what doesn’t. To make things as straightforward as possible, if your partner is giving you dirty talk, give them dirty talk back!”
Introduce dirty talk into your relationship. The best way to start talking dirty? “Just try it out,” says Brown. “In the middle of sex, say something really nice, but dirty. For example ‘Your body gets me so hard,’ is a good one. The female version of this is ‘Your body makes me so wet.’ I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like those things to be said to them during sex.”
“As you get more confident and comfortable with what you’re saying, try new things. Maybe one time you’ll say something bad — it’s not the end of the world. As long as you’re not so over-the-line that it becomes ridiculous along the lines of ‘Yeah, you suck that dick you filthy scum’ or something, you’ll be fine.”
Keep it positive. “You should always keep your tone positive,” says Brown. “Unless you have had a clear discussion with your partner that they are OK with things going into the negative/degradation space.”
“For example, saying something like, ‘You like that? You’re such a dirty girl,’ is dirty, but positive. But that statement could easily be moved into a more negative place when you say things like ‘You like that? You’re such a dirty whore.’ You’re saying the same thing but you’re pushing it to a new limit that may or may not be where your partner wants to go. Lots of people do like humiliation and being humiliated, but don’t assume that's the case for your partner. Always ask! And if you haven’t asked, assume that they DON’T like humiliation.”
Don’t try to clean it up. “Remember that dirty talk is supposed to be dirty,” says Brown. “If you try to make it clean, it becomes comical. ‘Your ass looks so good bouncing on my cock” is hot, but “Your buttocks looks so good bouncing on my genitals’ is stupid. Keep it dirty!”
Don’t wait until you’re in bed. “Talking dirty doesn't have to always involve slang words about body parts or graphic detail, but can also be a random ‘I want you so bad’ text message when they least expect it, or something else to set the mood for later,” says Goldstein. Check out our ideas for things to say before sex below and try sending one as a text message!
Adapt your talk to your partner. What to say during sex and what to do during sex both have a lot to do with your partner and what they’re into. Remember that the same “lines” don’t work on everyone. Calling your last boyfriend “Daddy” might have made him instantly hard, but your new beau might think of it as boner kryptonite. So don’t be afraid to adapt and evolve your dirty talk to fit your current partner.
Put your thesaurus away. A high school research paper is a great place to show off your extended vocabulary — the bedroom, however, is not. Unless you want to sound like a failed romance novel writer, don’t mention a “swollen member” or “engorged mammaries.” And science has actually proven that 20% of the population HATES the word “moist” so keep that one out of your repertoire.
Keep it general. Often when it comes to talking dirty, the more general you can be the better. This is especially true when you’re talking about your partner’s body. You may love their big butt or thick thighs, but the features you love may be the exact things they’re insecure about — and reminding them is one surefire way to kill the mood. So instead of talking about size and shape, keep it general and say something like, “I love touching your body.”
Not sure what to say during sex? Try some of these lines:
If you want to know how to talk dirty and have absolutely no idea where to start, Brown recommends watching porn to get ideas. “Porn stars, both male and female, say all kinds of filthy things during scenes. Watch some porn and if someone says something you think is good, just lift that line and say it during your next sexual encounter. The chances of your partner knowing you’re not using original material are pretty much nil.”
If you don’t have a ton of experience with talking dirty, it’s completely normal to feel a little anxious or silly. But don’t let that anxiety stop you from pushing your boundaries a little bit — being brave and trying dirty talk might just result in the best sex of your life! And if something completely ridiculous comes out of your mouth, just laugh about it and keep going!
Then tweet us @ASTROGLIDEe and tell us, what dirty talk phrase never fails to turn you on?
Images are for illustrative purposes only.