Know your anatomy – A Funny

The pastor asked the  congregation if anyone wished to express praise for  answered  prayers. Judy Smith stood and walked to the  podium.

She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago,  my husband, Tom, had a  terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum  was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the  doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” 
 
You could hear a  muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as  they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.  “Tom was unable to  hold me or the children,” she went on,  “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the  doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out  they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s  scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in  place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and  squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible  surgery performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a  quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital  and the
doctors say that with time, his scrotum should  recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified  relief.

The pastor rose  and tentatively asked if anyone  else had something to  say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He  said, “I’m Tom Smith.”  The entire congregation held its  breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is  sternum.”

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Dads: How You and Your Special Someone Can Spice Up This Father’s Day

Astroglide Personal Lubricants Offers Tips to Husbands and Wives for Celebrating the Holiday

Whether performing yard work, fixing things, grilling or helping the kids with homework, Dad wears many hats around the house. But when the lights go down and the kids are in bed this Father’s Day, plan on making it an extra special one with some tips from Astroglide Personal Lubricants.

 For fathers, celebrating the holiday with the person who shared in creating their family is every bit as important as celebrating with the family itself, so husbands and wives should work together to help Dad find a happy ending this Father’s Day.

For Wives

 Give him the good stuff – Your husband finds nothing sexier than a woman who knows her way around an electronics store. Okay, maybe he finds SOME things sexier. Regardless, if you’ve kept your ears open and buy him his newest dream toy, expect some “thank you” sparks to fly in the bedroom.

Tell me, what’s your fantasy? – You’ve lived with him long enough to know what his fantasy is; now, make it a reality. What’s the one thing he’s wanted to do in the bedroom that you’ve been saving for a rainy day? Well, today is that rainy day. Help make this a Father’s Day he’ll never forget.

Golf: the greatest gift of all – It’s a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the course is calling—why not get some of the other wives together and book a tee-time for him and his friends?

Food really is the way to a man’s heart – His favorite dish is just the ticket to spicing up his Father’s Day. Whether it’s carryout, out on the town or home-cooked, make sure to have his favorite meal.

 Get “Busy” – Send the kids out for a movie or get a babysitter and head over to a hotel for the night. Whatever you do, find a bedroom where you can be as loud as you want without any disturbances.

 For Dads

 Work it out – Did you know that lifting weights also lifts the libido? Not that you need the lift. Plus  it helps increase energy and decrease stress levels which can lead to more fun in the bedroom. Hit the gym for an hour or two and blow off some steam.

Grab some sexy movies – Since you had children, having porn around the house has been difficult, but with the internet, there’s no need to have it laying around. This is your chance to get the wife in on some sexy movies. It might take some smooth talking, but we know you can convince her!

Take the day off – It’s Sunday and there are things to get done around the house. Against your better judgment, let those chores wait and take the day to relax with the family. Don’t forget to plan some special time with your lady.

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Head Someplace Sexy This Memorial Day Weekend—and Don’t Forget the Astroglide

Memorial Day

When you order a “Sex on the Beach” this Memorial Day weekend, you may get more than you bargained for. If you plan on making the coming weekend memorable for you and your significant other, you’ll want to spend the three days somewhere outside of your usual stomping ground. But, like many busy couples across the country, you haven’t had time to plan out a romantic getaway. Plane tickets are too expensive, anyway.

To really take advantage of the long weekend, follow some of these last minute travel ideas, courtesy of your friends at Astroglide Personal Lubricants.

  • Emphasis on “bed” – In the history of mankind, has there been a more romantic getaway idea than packing the car and heading to a bed and breakfast? You might have a little more trouble booking one in the Hamptons, but there are plenty out there. Quaint and cozy, a bed and breakfast is a great place to book your days with shopping and picnics and your nights with—well, what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.
  •  By the beach, boy – What better way to bring in the summer than a nice, cold Sex on the Beach? How about a hot one? Head to the water this holiday weekend to spend some time in the sun and let your troubles melt away. A little stress relief and a lot of sun offer the perfect combination for getting in the mood.
  •  Out under the stars – Dust off the tandem sleeping bag: it’s time to pitch a tent. Load the car with plenty of food to roast over the fire and lace up your hiking boots for the first solid camping opportunity of the summer. It’ll just be you, your significant other, chirping crickets and a black sky full of bright stars. After all, getting in touch with nature is a great way to get in touch with each other.
  •  Room with a view – Maybe you aren’t a fan of the outdoors—but you can get some great views and some serious sun in the city if you find the right hotel. Look for a hotel with rooftop amenities, like restaurants, bars, pools and the like. If you want to get away from it all and have some romantic, stress free time with your significant other, you don’t always have to move horizontally. Think vertical to spice things up.

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