This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring in the customer care department.. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.  (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller:    ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator:  ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller:  ‘They disappeared.’
Operator:  ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller:    ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller:  ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator:  ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller:    ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen??’
Caller:  ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller:  ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator:    ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller:      ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator:  ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller:  ‘I don’t know.’
Operator:    ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller:  ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator:  ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall…
Caller:  ‘Yes, it is..’
Operator:  ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller:  ‘No.’
Operator:  ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller:  ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator:  ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller:  ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator:  ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller:  ‘No..’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller:  ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator:  ‘Dark??’
Caller:  ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator:  ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller:  ‘I can’t.’
Operator:  ‘No? Why not??’
Caller:  ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??’
Caller:  ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator:  ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller:  ‘Really?  Is it that bad?’
Operator:  ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!!!’

Save the sweat for the bedroom. Your friends at Astroglide Personal Lubricants have come up with a few ways to beat the heat for your summer dating plans.

•  Suit up and hit the local water-park. You spent all spring getting your beach body back in action, so why not use it? The water-park is a great place to enjoy the sun, stay cool and have some fun together.
•  Washing a car doesn’t have to be a chore when you do it together. Strip down to your suits and don’t be afraid to get playful.
•  Put the keys in the ignition and get ready to drive. Drop the windows (or the top) and head out to the country. A scenic drive is a great chance to get to know each other. If you’re lucky, a secluded country pit stop might be a chance to really get to know each other.
•  Delectable dairy is a great way to cap off any date. Summer is the time for ice cream, and everyone loves ice cream. Make sure to save some whip cream; if you can take the date back to his or her place, you’ll get that cherry on top.
•  Add a little drama to the evening…the good kind. Seeing an outdoor play, musical or opera is a great way to enjoy a summer evening. In keeping with the theme, try a little role-playing of your own when you get to the bedroom.
•  Outdoor café? Got it covered! Try a new restaurant, preferably one with a covered outdoor café. You can enjoy the summer atmosphere without the sun beating down on your face, or enjoy the night air in a cozy, candlelit environment.
•  Drive-in movies are still the rage. You could go sit in a stuffy, crowded movie theater…or you could enjoy one from the comfort and privacy of your own car. Open the windows to let a summer breeze blow through—or close them and crank up the air conditioning for total privacy.

She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago,  my husband, Tom, had a  terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum  was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the  doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” �
 �
You could hear a  muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as  they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.  “Tom was unable to  hold me or the children,” she went on,  “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the  doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out  they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s  scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in  place.”
�
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and  squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible  surgery performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a  quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital  and the
doctors say that with time, his scrotum should  recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified  relief.

The pastor rose  and tentatively asked if anyone  else had something to  say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He  said, “I’m Tom Smith.”  The entire congregation held its  breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is  sternum.”

Whether performing yard work, fixing things, grilling or helping the kids with homework, Dad wears many hats around the house. But when the lights go down and the kids are in bed this Father’s Day, plan on making it an extra special one with some tips from Astroglide Personal Lubricants.

 For fathers, celebrating the holiday with the person who shared in creating their family is every bit as important as celebrating with the family itself, so husbands and wives should work together to help Dad find a happy ending this Father’s Day.

For Wives

 Give him the good stuff – Your husband finds nothing sexier than a woman who knows her way around an electronics store. Okay, maybe he finds SOME things sexier. Regardless, if you’ve kept your ears open and buy him his newest dream toy, expect some “thank you” sparks to fly in the bedroom.

Tell me, what’s your fantasy? – You’ve lived with him long enough to know what his fantasy is; now, make it a reality. What’s the one thing he’s wanted to do in the bedroom that you’ve been saving for a rainy day? Well, today is that rainy day. Help make this a Father’s Day he’ll never forget.

Golf: the greatest gift of all – It’s a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the course is calling—why not get some of the other wives together and book a tee-time for him and his friends?

Food really is the way to a man’s heart – His favorite dish is just the ticket to spicing up his Father’s Day. Whether it’s carryout, out on the town or home-cooked, make sure to have his favorite meal.

 Get “Busy” – Send the kids out for a movie or get a babysitter and head over to a hotel for the night. Whatever you do, find a bedroom where you can be as loud as you want without any disturbances.

 For Dads

 Work it out – Did you know that lifting weights also lifts the libido? Not that you need the lift. Plus  it helps increase energy and decrease stress levels which can lead to more fun in the bedroom. Hit the gym for an hour or two and blow off some steam.

Grab some sexy movies – Since you had children, having porn around the house has been difficult, but with the internet, there’s no need to have it laying around. This is your chance to get the wife in on some sexy movies. It might take some smooth talking, but we know you can convince her!

Take the day off – It’s Sunday and there are things to get done around the house. Against your better judgment, let those chores wait and take the day to relax with the family. Don’t forget to plan some special time with your lady.Similar Posts:

• The Importance of Date Night
• Recession-Proof Your Love Life: Budget Date Ideas
• The Bed, The Bath and Beyond! Astroglide’s Top 5 Places to Get It On
• Social Networking: Relationship Friend or Foe?
• Wingmen vs. Wingwomen