This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring in the customer care department.. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.  (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller:    ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator:  ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller:  ‘They disappeared.’
Operator:  ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller:    ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller:  ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator:  ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller:    ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen??’
Caller:  ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller:  ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator:    ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller:      ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator:  ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller:  ‘I don’t know.’
Operator:    ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller:  ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator:  ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall…
Caller:  ‘Yes, it is..’
Operator:  ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller:  ‘No.’
Operator:  ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller:  ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator:  ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller:  ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator:  ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller:  ‘No..’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller:  ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator:  ‘Dark??’
Caller:  ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator:  ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller:  ‘I can’t.’
Operator:  ‘No? Why not??’
Caller:  ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??’
Caller:  ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator:  ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller:  ‘Really?  Is it that bad?’
Operator:  ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!!!’

She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago,  my husband, Tom, had a  terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum  was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the  doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” Â
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You could hear a  muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as  they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.  “Tom was unable to  hold me or the children,” she went on,  “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the  doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out  they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s  scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in  place.”
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Again, the men in the congregation cringed and  squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible  surgery performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a  quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital  and the
doctors say that with time, his scrotum should  recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified  relief.

The pastor rose  and tentatively asked if anyone  else had something to  say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He  said, “I’m Tom Smith.”  The entire congregation held its  breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is  sternum.”