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Tips for June!

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Tips for June!

Seek likeness when dating.

The stimulus/value/role (SVR) theory is a three-stage model of partner selection that stresses the similarity of values and roles and their negotiation as two people begin an intimate relationship. In selecting a mate, one begins at the stimulus stage, responding to initial physical, social, intellectual or other attractive stimuli. 

Yet it’s during the value exploration stage, that bonding can really start to happen as a potential couple begins to explore value compatibility around factors like religion, sex, politics, lifestyle, and interests. Finally, if the first two stages are successfully navigated, during the role negotiation stage, a couple can work out each other’s roles in a way that both are comfortable. Research has found that couples, of all sexual orientations, that select partners with a similar background and values seem to have a better chance at a quality relationship.   

Don't force the "Big O."

You’re unlikely to cum if you try to make your climax come. So forget about reaching orgasm for a little while and just enjoy the sexual moment that you’re having. Release yourself to the sensations, let down your guard with your lover, get out of your head and into your body, and simply allow yourself to be present. While a technique or toy may help facilitate climax, your reaction largely comes down to your ability to enjoy the “then and now” – the moment. An orgasm, no matter what its strength, will happen when you let it.

Set your own sexual rules.

Between lovers, friends and society, there are a lot of people out there telling you who to have sex with, when and how. Shut out the noise and analyze what feels right to YOU. Take the time to reflect on your sexual values. What kind of sexual relationship(s) do you want to be in? What feels good and empowering to you in your sexual decision-making?

Don't fake.

People often feel like failures when they don’t climax, with many pretending to have an orgasm during sex. Yet it’s the failure to admit that you aren’t peaking that can have more devastating results. First, it keeps your sexual response in a holding pattern. If your lover doesn’t know that the two of you need to change things up, then s/he will keep doing the same thing in bed, which gets you nowhere. Second, it can have you ultimately resenting your lover for not being able to better assist you when it comes to sexual gratification. And third, withholding information can be hurtful and insulting, causing more problems in a relationship. So fess up if you’re not completely sexually satisfied! 

Reduce your risk of getting divorced.

With about 1:12 couples headed for divorce after only two years of marriage, people need to be proactive in avoiding the first waves of marital dissatisfaction that can occur. Make no assumptions about how your partner is doing or how things are going in your lives. Check in with your partner about how s/he is feeling on a regular basis. Let your partner know if you’re concerned about something instead of bottling up your feelings. Remind each other almost daily how much you mean to another, how much you appreciate your lover’s touch, kiss, support… whatever is important to you. As people evolve, marriages evolve, and the more the two of you can work at embracing each other as you discover and reveal different parts of yourself, (including faults) the better your chances of weathering any storms. 

Fill every day with foreplay!

Don’t wait ‘til date night or bedtime to start seducing each other. Incorporate a little bit of foreplay into your regular routine, whether that involves more kisses, more touch, more “I love you’s”, more dirty talk, more racy emails, more erotic lit… Just a tad more attention to sexual, sensual turn ons on a regular basis can make both of you hungrier for each other, perhaps inviting more opportunities for much more play! 

Then set the rules for what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship or sexual encounter. Don’t give into pressure to be sexually active unless you want to be. So many people don’t do this. But only you can determine what’s right for you when it comes to being sexually intimate. 

Tease to no end!

Oftentimes, lovers are so focused on reaching orgasm that they forget half, if not most of the fun, in getting it on is tantalizing each other. So take your time teasing your partner when it comes to seduction and foreplay efforts. Begin with little light touches to invite more touch. Then start to toy with the hot spots, getting oh-so close, but then pulling back slightly, toying with time, before going back to give some more. Continue such play with the pressure you’re delivering. Take your lover to a certain feels-so-good point before easing up on the pressure. At every stage, seek to have your lover begging – aching – for more! 

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