Be "present" in your relationship.
You can do this by practicing:
- Intentionality – Every time you interact with your partner, do so with a sense of purpose. Be consciously aware of everything you say and do.
- Mutuality – Be open, focus on shared trust and honesty going both ways.
- Individuality – Be your authentic you, allowing your own genuine emotional reactions to surface, no matter how tempting it is to stay stoic.
- Attentiveness – Give your undivided attention, demonstrating care through active listening, asking your lover to elaborate on his or her thoughts, and sharing your own reactions.
Think twice before sleeping with your ex.
Before jumping in the sack with somebody you used to be sexually involved with, ask yourself:
- Am I still in love with this person? (If so, DON'T SLEEP with him or her, lest risking a broken heart.)
- Am I hoping that having sex with the ex will bring us back together? (If so, don't do it, as this rarely works!)
- Do I just want to use this person? (If you really don't have feelings for your former lover, then one could say no harm done, unless you’re about to break his or her heart.)
- Do I get attached to the people I sleep with? (A lot of people think that they can have no-strings-attached sex, but end up emotionally invested. This may be in part because levels of the hormone-neurotransmitter dopamine spike during sexual peaking.)
Mad at each other? Have make-up sex!
On a physiological level, getting mad gets some people worked up in a way that mimics sexual response, and that’s a major turn on. Sex can also be a much more enjoyable release than trying to work off anger in other ways, like going for a walk.
Yet while make up sex can have these perks, don't make it a regular habit. In healthy relationships, it's hopefully the exception to the rule. If the two of you need to fight to have hot sex, then you may need to rethink the relationship.
Become wine connoisseurs.
With so many dates involving a nice bottle of wine, you’d think more people would be in-the-know about great grapes. Yet many people simply guess at good bottles when ordering what to drink with their entrée. So, treat yourselves to a weekend at a winery. Many wineries offer educational classes and tours. In the very least, you’ll enjoy a nice getaway and learn a few tips about how to pick the perfect wine for your dinner or date
Become your lover's best cheerleader.
Whether it’s "You'll get in" or "You'll totally beat the competition" or "You're going to do a fantastic job - I can feel it!", your partner needs to know that you're behind him or her 100%. If the two of you don’t have each other’s backs, then who will? Make sure that you’re dishing out sincere, positive affirmations on occasion, as these can really give a lover just the boost that’s needed.
Be careful with your crushes.
A person with a serious crush can seem almost obsessive with what's called "intrusive thinking" – as Kylie Minogue captured so well in her hit song “Can't Get You Out of My Head.” While the intoxicating effects of crushing on somebody can feel amazing, try to keep yourself in check. Some people feel depressed, full of despair, or listless when they’re away from a crush. You may experience "separation anxiety" if you don’t get a regular “fix” from your beloved, whether from a personal interaction or from afar. Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that one can't really control these emotions unless they cut themselves off from the source entirely.
At the same time, if your crush experience is turning out to be positive - your love object is returning your affections - all of the above can become addictive, like a drug. Many would say that these things aren't necessarily bad. Some thrive off of these roller coaster reactions, especially if things are moving on to a case of ‘Head-Over-Heels’ Love!
Try online dating!
If you haven’t already, that is! People who have taken the leap are finding that online dating allows you to conveniently meet a huge pool of people who could be potential matches. With online dating now an acceptable and very popular way to meet other singles, Online Dating Magazine is reporting that 20% of Americans have gone out with somebody they’ve met online. Over 280,000 people marry someone they met online every year.
Paraphrase during tough talks.
If you and your partner are having an intense conversation, then paraphrase to see if you understand your lover correctly. This is when you restate what was said in different terms to indicate understanding. Often what is heard and what was meant are completely different, so it’s best you make sure you know what each other’s saying. This is a learned skill, so it may take a bit of practice. Hopefully, your partner will, in the very least, appreciate the effort and concern to get things right.
Enjoy an afternoon of doing nothing.
If it’s sunny, make your way to a patch of grass to bask in the rays. If it’s rainy, stay in bed and cuddle. No matter what the weather, don’t have a plan, just be in the moment. Some of the best times happen when people leave things up in the air. Plus, the relaxed energy that comes from not needing to be anywhere or do anything can do you a world of good.