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Sexual Fantasies

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You name it and there is a person out there who in all likelihood fantasizes about “it.” The list of what turns people on is endless, with some fantasies causing many individuals to feel distressed or anxious when visions of naughty, XXX, or downright “wrong” acts race through one’s head.

While males and females report having sexual fantasies, on average, as early as age 11.5, and 12.9-years-old, respectively, some people are “late bloomers” in fantasizing. First sexual fantasies for guys are typically triggered by visual stimuli, while gals’ sexual fantasies are often triggered by a relationship.

No matter what one’s sexual orientation, the most common fantasies during masturbation involve:

  • Reliving a hot and exciting sexual experience
  • Imagining having sex with one’s current lover
  • Imagining having sex with a new lover 
  • Other popular sexual fantasy themes, in general, include: 

  • Sex with a celebrity
  • Seducing somebody
  • Stranger sex
  • Group sex
  • Forced sex
  • Now note on the last one – forced sex. Thoughts of being forced or overpowered into a sexual act, or of forcing someone else, are fairly common among both men and women. One study of 141 married women found that “being overpowered or forced to surrender,” (as well as “pretending I am doing something wicked or forbidden”), was the most frequently reported sexual fantasy.

    Yet the forced sex fantasy is one of those common phantasms causing a number of lovers distress. After all, in real life this violation is completely wrong, not to mention illegal.

    Fantasizing about such does NOT mean that someone wants to actually be raped or sexually assault another. For many lovers, it’s the power dynamics of the fantasy, as well as the potential in any dominate-submissive role play with a lover, that act as the aphrodisiac. Such fantasies aren’t about inflicting harm on another, but the sexual “conquest” involved, plus the ego stroke of being so completely irresistible to another – to the point s/he is out of control.

    So know that it’s okay to have these fantasies, as well as many other “taboo” phantasms, and to act them out as long as this is done with a consenting partner. Fantasies are one of the few things that are your very own and for your pleasure. Don’t let the forbidden nature of any of them keep you from enjoying them
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