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When Sex is Painful

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I just started being sexually active this year. I've only had sex a handful of times but every time we have sex and he goes fast or really hard, it hurts my pelvis, and I get like a cramp. I don’t know if it’s something serious or it’s just supposed to happen like that. I’m really confused and scared. What do you think it is?
Bella

Hi Bella,

Sorry to hear that you find yourself in distress. It’s a good thing that you’re listening to your body and seeking out advice since the pain you’re experiencing is your body’s way of letting you know that something is wrong. Your best starting point in getting to the bottom of this situation is to visit your healthcare provider to rule out any medical reasons, like sexually transmitted infections, for why you might be hurting. Be sure to also talk to your doctor about dyspareunia, a condition where sex is painful for physical, psychological, or relationship reasons.

If there are no medical concerns. . . When intimate with your partner, you’ll want to guide him as far as the pace of the action, especially since many women need, on average, 20 minutes of foreplay in order to become fully aroused. If a gal isn’t given adequate time to maximize her sexual response, her vaginal canal doesn’t elongate the way it’s supposed to before penetration. The end result is a penis, toy or finger knocking up against her cervix, which often causes pain. The discomfort during sex may also be due to insufficient natural vaginal lubrication, since her body is still getting warmed up. So, consider using a lubricant to assist matters.

More than anything, communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. He may not be aware that “pounding away” isn’t every woman’s forte, especially if he’s being influenced by what he sees in porn (which often features women getting off on the ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ thrusting style). Ask your guy to take things slowly and to give ample time for foreplay. Stop all action when you’re in pain or if he isn’t honoring your wishes. If you want to resume having sex, switch to a position where you’re in control of the thrusting, like woman on top. Assume the cowgirl position, it further gives you the opportunity to show him the pace you’re into and what feels good.

Good luck!
Dr. Yvonne

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