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Have Never Experienced Orgasm

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Hi Yvonne,
My wife has never experienced orgasm, is there a problem or is this normal?
Steve
 Dear Steve

This is normal for her, but that’s not to say that she can never have an orgasm. “Primary anorgasmia” is a condition where a female has never experienced climax, despite efforts to do so. Some key ways for her to invite orgasm include:

  1. Getting out of her head. People will often shut down their sexual response with performance anxiety or worrying about the situation or what their partner is thinking. She needs to let go of what’s going on in her head and submerge herself in what her body is experiencing.
  2. Engaging in plenty of foreplay, as in at least 20 minutes. Both of you should be taking your time, taking caution not to make orgasm a goal.
  3. Never mentioning the term “achieve orgasm,” as this puts a lot of pressure on yourselves and suppresses sexual excitement.
  4. Thinking about sex and her body as something beautiful and not dirty. If she has negative issues with either, then she may want to talk to a counselor about such blocks.
  5. Masturbating. She needs to privately discover what turns her on, experimenting with different enhancements, like a vibrator, and erotica. The two of you can also explore such together.
  6. Getting more stimulation, focusing on the clitoris. This is where a vibe comes in handy!
  7. Strengthening her pelvic floor muscles with Kegel exercises.
  8. Communicating with her partner.
  9. Ensuring that she’s comfortable with the sexual situation, e.g., there’s plenty of privacy.

Be sure to get your hands on a great sex guide, like The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking, that can give you some step-by-step guidance. Consulting a sex therapist at the American Association of Sex Counselors & Therapists may help as well: www.aasect.org

 Dr. Yvonne

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